In life I live more so in fantasies and day dreams than anything else. I don't know how to propel my efforts.
I maybe bipolar.
Which would explain my highs and lows. My tension. My nothingness. As much humor I show is the equal amount of pain and constant sadness I carry. It's no lie. The funniest people are the saddest people. I know I'm not coping well. But at least now I maybe able to blame that on mental disease. HAHA
I have an appoint on the 23rd with a psychiatrist I haven't gone to school for a week. Lord.
I need to restrict. I know Im probably 200 lbs now. it's crazy how far you let yourself slip for "self love" or acceptance. As much as I have tried to love myself gaining 30 lbs is NOT love. Thats giving up. Thats not giving a fuck. Thats defeat. I worked against myself. My bro cant wait to tell me all the shit I need to change. I'm not having it.
This post is pointless.. I'm back are you ready? I'm guessing restriction begins tomorrow. I had pizza this morning. :/
600 cals and under. yep.
I have nothing. Im just here getting fat. I don't know. Lets take Gizmo for a walk. Long haired chihuahua, hes kind of adorbs.