Tuesday, January 10, 2012


And good morning! It's 7:10 am and I am fighting to be awake. The diet pills are a God send, considering the fact that I have the most horrible time sleeping and they give me energy.

My sleeping routine has been whacky, but even more so after reading Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson. Its such a heavy story line, and the fact that Lia is seeing ghost kind of messes with my imagination. I can say I'm glad the story is over, it was a good read but I'm happy to be done with it. I couldn't handle Lia's bestfriend Cassie always haunting her and trying to convince her to die also. But I do like the fact that Lia is so strong when denying herself food. Though in this book it did make me think twice about whether I really wanted to be like her. I mean, yes I need more self control, but not to the point where I carry so much pain internally that I want to just cut myself open and float away. I want to find a happy medium, where I can restrict, I can say no to food if I choose to ("no, i don't HAVE to have that cupcake or that brownie") but I can also say yes to food and not hate myself. Especially if it's healthy. Lia had such a negative view of herself, which I too find myself having but I try harder to focus on making my body and food habits better than just mentally beating myself by saying 'im stupid, im fat, im ugly, i suck'. Sometimes I do feel like that, which motivates me to fix myself so I WONT ALWAYS feel that way. That type of energy exerted will be percieved by everyone you come in contact with. People will feel your weakness and use that to their advantage to get over on you. Which is why you must be strong, and try your best to be confident. Life is shark tank, well adult life is. This is had been the hardest adjustment I've ever made, and I'm still trying to find myself in the midst of it all.

Random ramble of mine. I wanted to get it off my chest. Idk if any of you feel the same...
But umm Zantrex 3 is working wonders. I'm going to be completely honest with you all. I weighed myself like.. Friday or Saturday and I had ballooned back up to 176 lbs, (i had to be bloated) but as of this  morning I'm at a solid 169.2lbs. Which sounds more legit. And I'm thinking I can get down to 166-167lbs by Friday but I'm still aiming for 164lbs. The pills MUST be working, and I'll give you the stats on the 14th. I still got time to get this weight off:) Excited! The food intake has been getting better. You all should really email Ell, she's really awesome to talk to.

But so am i! <3 vidaana24@yahoo.com, alright ladies. Let's go get them today:)

Oh yeah, let me know what you guys think of Wintergirls. It was just a little heavy for me, but I would recommend that people read it. It gives you perspective..

okay ciao.


  1. i hated Wintergirls with a fleeting strong passion. for some reason, i love reading fanfiction centered around men with ED's more-so. as i state. :) it's always been the fanfiction for me. <3 aaaaaaah.
    also, those pills sound awesome! :D i wish they sell them here. i have looked at EVERY possible diet pill in a drugstore that doesn't want to ask for how old you are and i don't look 18, sadly enough. so. yeah. i'm stuck.
    -Sam Lupin
    PS. <3 good luck for the 14th!

  2. Steady numbers dropping down are a lot better than wavering back and forth between super low and super high. I'm glad the pills seem to be working! :)
    Wintergirls is deep, and heavy, and hard to struggle through some parts but that's all why it's one of my favorites! I love books that reach out and dig their claws into your heart to yank and tug and tear. I loved Lia and Cassie both for very different reasons. And I was disappointed in them for different reasons too. It's too much to go into in a comment :)
    I love the the last, and the third to last thinspo pics. We will lose this weight! <3
    And you are great to email ^_^ <3

  3. Glad the diet pills are working:) Yeah wintergirls is pretty dark but i suppose lia had all these underlying issues and her eating disorder was her outlet i guess...thats the way it is for most...its really nice to see u want to choose to live healthily. I finished reading unbearable lightness today. Truly beautiful. and in the end how she recovers and eats whatever she wants because she isnt restricting so she doesnt binge anymore...thats such a happy medium:) well good luck with ur weight loss! I'm sure u will see the numbers you want! <3

  4. i think the way pills worked for me was by killing appetite, but i did notice some weight loss when i used then. i haven't read wintergirls yet, i don't know if i will, i hear such conflicting things about it though that i'm curious and want to read it too see what i think about it