In all the simpliticies I encounter struggle. I can't fucking lie. Last night I binged. I'd say about 1200 or more or less, which made me feel shitty because I knew it was going to happen. This shit was premediated. Less then half way in I was full but I just wanted to shove shit into my face. I look back on it, and idfuckingk why I didn't listen to my body. I wasnt enjoying the food, it wasnt some mouthgasm goodness. Just some bs like olive bread, peanutbutter (no offense Sam), a lil poundcake... beans, turkey. Like not fucking amazing oh idk a jalepeno burger with bacon and guacamole just gwaking at me. No where near that splendid. Though that also reminds me of fat, and lots of it. The food I ate didnt even taste good, I was just chewing my emotions. My stress. I didnt cry. I didnt purge. I worked out. 900 cals down, and a lil morning toning workout. I'm loosing these 5 lbs. I dont want to live with my old sabotaging self. I hate that bitch. I hate her, because she hates me. She wants me not to believe in all the things Ive worked for, and what I'm capable of working towards.
Its simple to be skinny: Dont eat much, or often. Workout. Drink water, tea, coffee. Thats the law.
But still I look like a pig in a blanket. Fuck the bullshit. I may stumble but I will never give up me. I'm all I have, no one else just me.