Friday, January 6, 2012

Live like your dying.

In all the simpliticies I encounter struggle. I can't fucking lie. Last night I binged. I'd say about 1200 or more or less, which made me feel shitty because I knew it was going to happen. This shit was premediated. Less then half way in I was full but I just wanted to shove shit into my face. I look back on it, and idfuckingk why I didn't listen to my body. I wasnt enjoying the food, it wasnt some mouthgasm goodness. Just some bs like olive bread, peanutbutter (no offense Sam), a lil poundcake... beans, turkey. Like not fucking amazing oh idk a jalepeno burger with bacon and guacamole just gwaking at me. No where near that splendid. Though that also reminds me of fat, and lots of it. The food I ate didnt even taste good, I was just chewing my emotions. My stress. I didnt cry. I didnt purge. I worked out. 900 cals down, and a lil morning toning workout. I'm loosing these 5 lbs. I dont want to live with my old sabotaging self. I hate that bitch. I hate her, because she hates me. She wants me not to believe in all the things Ive worked for, and what I'm capable of working towards.

Its simple to be skinny: Dont eat much, or often. Workout. Drink water, tea, coffee. Thats the law.

But still I look like a pig in a blanket. Fuck the bullshit. I may stumble but I will never give up me. I'm all I have, no one else just me.

I will be a sucess. I will be 110 lbs. I will travel the world. I do love Anavida more than anyone ever could. Ever.


  1. I know that binging feeling way too well. And great thinspo! You can do it!!! :)

  2. You will do this. You will be happy and have that body. I know it. You know it. We all do and we will support you every step of the way.
    Love the second to last thinspo.
    I hate that! When there is nothing in the house and I don't like any of it but I snap and gag myself with so much crap. Chips I hate. Noodles I'm not hungry for. My stomach aches but I push onward because to FEEL full and FEEL warm and FEEL the food in my mouth is too good. Stupid me.
    Stay strong love<3 You did awesome not freaking over it. You're awesome <3

  3. I did the exact same thing last night girl! I don't know why, and i hated every moment and the scales taunted me about it today!
    You CAN do this girl! I promise! You WILL reach that weight! It's my gw too so i espeially am with you every step girl! Don't beat yourself up so much, we're all here and NOBODYT jusges you, except yourself doll! :-( Good job on the workout! Stay strong!

  4. Ugh I know how you feel.. Don't let it bother you too much, especially cause you burnt a good majority of it off.
    stay strong

  5. LOL. i got a shotout for my PB addiction.
    awe, babe. believe me, 1,200 calories isn't so bad. don't weigh yourself and go on with it. <3 for me, i used to binge on more than 3,000+ calories in one setting and then try to purge it out, sometimes only getting about half back up! :(
    that's the spirit. you have yourself, baby. <3
    you're all you have, so make you count! just think of restricting as more like a nourishment to your body than a punishment. you're too good to eat any other crap! :)
    -Sam Lupin
    PS. i love the sound of that. i'm too good to eat this chemically-glued together piece of chocolate, because my body deserves more. ;)
    PSS. as Natalie said, don't let it bother you and you did burn a good deal of it off! binging is your body's way of telling you you were starving and now it can't take it anymore, so whatever you were doing - it worked! :)