Saturday, January 14, 2012

Its all crystal clear.

Im going to be skinny because it makes sense. Its one defense I have against the world. Its one thing that I can be proud of, I can boast without bragging, I dont have to say a word. I will hurt in silence, my mother doesnt hear a thing I say. The only language she will understand is that I stopped "eating myself crazy".

Her words verbatim, my thoughts precisely. She has sliced me open, behold, my stupidity on display. She doesnt hate me, but I dont make her proud. She wishes she never had me, my B walks with a crown. Him over me, im a burden a waste of time, im sorry I have issues, with words I write in rhyme. My emotions are useless, my voice is empty air. Im just a broken piece of shit, forever in need of repair. Always needing more love than she can possibly give, so I will speak no more of the pain within.

For it is pointless, to ears that selectively desire to hear. I will indulge in skinny, avoiding food like a disease. I will fake strength, I will never eat again.
My family is tired of me, I am also listless of myself. I want to starve so I may be this girl that supports herself. Who only cracks in private, who can handle envious glares, whose lonely but acts like she doesnt care. Relationships scare her for she is already involved in a deadly love affair.

Im sorry to be morbid. My heart is heavy, im sad but I have no choice but to appear functioning. The skinny girl will bring me joy and satisfaction. I want to never eat again, I wonder how long I can push myself. If food touches my lips idk what will happen.
Today has been a success. No food, only ginger tea, green tea and sips of a Mikes Harder Mango. Reality hurts, but not eating made the end of my day uplifting:)

Stay strong ladies, fight for your happiness.






3 comments:

  1. Good job on the fast hun! Very poetic and touching post:) But one thing is a lot of time parents love us but just dont know how to show it. Either case, stay strong<3 u

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  2. Great job beautiful! I know you can do it and you're right, being skinny is a way to boast with out being a bitch about it. Compliments just flood your way.

    Great thinspo. Love the one girl with the mohawk!

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  3. thanks so much for following my blog. Its amazing to see that there are people in the world that share my views.
    Your words are hauntingly beautiful and achingly familiar. They sum up how i have felt for my entire life. You can do it, you WILL do it. We all believe in you lovely.

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