Friday, December 30, 2011

A little give and take.

SY+SM=<3 dia tres;

Im tired! Idk if I can say that enough but thats how I feel. With how much im sweating I must be detoxing some of those toxins from my body. Intake went very well: 575 cals, and I sweated out a good 895 cals. One hour and half of cardio a day will do this body good:)

But today I felt fat, what I saw was my thighs busting out and jiggling. I got bloated after I ate. I proceeded to try on my clothes I bought for school and.. Lol it was not cute.Freaking tummy fat, bloat, fat all over my body.. I just hate fat so much. I also bloat easily because I have a problem with being regular. Fiber and flax seed is supposed to fix number two issues, but with me I swear im just plugged up. Plus in order to loose weight, letting go what comes in is mandatory. I dont think laxatives are that great for you even though they do work. I just want to clean my pipes out every morning, damnit!  Any tips?

Today was a good day regardless, I just really want to loose this weight. I dont know how to dress this body I have now. Its hard to find clothes for all these curves, leaps and bonds of flesh. Lol but really! Shiit is difficult. But this is only temporary, I wont struggle with my wardrobe forever. God knows I wont, I BE DAMNED!

On to more joyful things, I really enjoyed reading your guys blogs. Improvements all over the place. And tremendous thanks to all you beautiful people for commenting. Your positivity replenishes my own optimistic outlook. I journaled about that today, you have to surround yourself with things and people that bring forth good energy. So thank you for the love, today was most defintely one of those days when I needed it. But I do have to say my collarbones are faintly poking through:) I used to have an epic clavical (spelling?) area. Im excited for those along with other bones to be visible.

We are going to be amazing next year! Keep believing, keep the faith<3

Hit me up yall:

Watch "John Legend - new song - SHINE" on YouTube

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Your the ciggarette, and im the smoker.

SY+SM dia dos;

Intake went way more fabulous than yesterday. I actually journaled my calories: 565 cals.
Im happy I didnt start my day binging (hallelujuah!) And though today I wanted to fast completely, I just really needed to eat after about 1pm. Well I guess I didnt HAVE to, but I was hungry so I did. Sue me.My meals were spread out, and small. It basically was a fast, I only ate fruits and veggies and one protein shake, oh and two cups of coffee, one with creamer, one black. Black coffee def calms the hunger, like totally shuts it down so im going to try and acquire the taste. Despite the coffee im freaking tired no lie. I worked out today and burned: 794 cals.

Soo what up baby, im negative calories today!:)) plus everything I  ate is supposed to be negative cals so its ALL good. What I noticed is that this morning I started by checking blogger and emailed my girl Ell before I even got out of bed:) There was a major change in my emotional state today compared to yesterday. Then I went ahead and journaled which is something I used to do all the time. Idk why I stopped, but it helped me face whatever I was dealing with this morning.

Skinny you+Skinny me=<3 I hope all the ladies had a great day! Im so nervous/anxious for this weigh in. Whatever happens, we tried our best:) some weightloss is better than none.

If any of you guys want to correspond via email let me know. I know its hard to stay positive, but theres always time to revamp and give life another go. I promise you, WE can, WE will, be skinny!


;) girl you can fly, fly, fly.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Keep fighting whats outdated.

SY+SM=<3 Dia Uno;

Breakfast went shitty. Idk why I feel so anxious in the morning. I lay there thinking about what to eat. 'Am I strong enough to eat without over doing it? I can have coffee.. A apple, some eggs,... No you shouldnt eat, your too fat to eat, you dont have control.. You need to loose weight girl, you know how you are' Then I drift into that kitchen and start picking out all kinds of foods I could eat, while snacking on whatever. Then before I know it ive eaten close to 1000 cals in like a hour. That is so nasty. Why do I do it? Then im like okay no more for the rest of the day, the fatty in you won. But actually that heffa lost!

Oh yeah miss anavida counteracted that chubby lil girl inside by getting an epic workout on. This is it:
40 mins elliptical interval training   lv: 8 &13,burned:420 cals
10 min bike machine lv: 5, burned: 45 cals
15 mins elliptical interval with same levels, burned: 150 cals
25 mins treadmill interval training incline:5, sp: 3.9 and 5.7-6.0 with same incline. Burned: 300 cals

I came home and got my Jackie Warner workout on for 40 mins. Id say thats atleast a 200 cal burn.
Grand total: 1115 cals burned:))

Im Soo happy! I didnt purge and take the easy way out. I went ahead and made my body cry me a river of sweat. I could not stop sweating! A blessing but I was not looking cute. Haha more like a hot mess! But whatever, it had to be done.
Im loosing this 5lbs, thats the only religion im practicing.

The chubby externally joyful but unsatisfied child I was has to know I am not that woman. Ive grown older, done adult things, I have to deal with lifes obstacles in an adult way. Its been past time to "get it together... that ugly duckling grew up to be a swan"- India Arie
I recommend seriously listening to India, shes soulful. She can help you want to move past the hurt.

Good luck to my ladies Jt and Ell. Once we loose 5lbs lets go in for another, deal? Anyone that wants to join please do. Put the pressure on yourself to live up to your potential.
Lovers you Ell<3

Lovers all you ladies, keep pushing yourself. Im here if you need some love. I struggle too, I need you too.

Tomorrow morning im going to listen to Telepopmusik -breathe. "another day, just believe, just breathe.."

Alls calm, alls correct, alls pleasant.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Living forever.

I carry many racing thoughts in my mind. I want skinny, I fucking NEED it. This is a random, unplanned or unperfected vent of mine. Well yes all my blogs are but this one was completely by accident. I want.. What else could I want?

Then ill be all over the world, living outside the constraints of restricted incomes. That is what I was born to be. A legacy. I know it. The frequency is so evident, as long as I dont stop the flow. Dont stop the flow.. Mmm kinda makes me feel frisky;) 

When is the right time to get loose? When do you know, do I want to really be in love.. Right now? In this time, when im so young and guys are so lost. I dont know everything, but I know exactly what shit I dont like. Bodies bodies... Uniquely fine. Im no whore, but I dont hate them either... Ha ha hoe just as long as you dont cross me.

I think im looking to get in trouble.  "you can bet that, never got to sweat that". Miguel-sure thing

Wtf maan... Im sober. Lol I seriously make myself laugh constantly.
If your open, I always am. I try to be transparent. I guess sometimes I cover personal things because some people are just supercillious bitches, but I dont want that. I want Freedom from who I think have to be. I want to be who ive always felt creeping beneath this damn skin. Causing an inherit continual development of this authentic being.
I have to fall in love with the taste of fear.

"Girl I want to be the one, be the one to kiss you goodnight"- lloyd, be the one

"Drinking alazhe without cereal for breakfast.." -the weeknd, the morning

I dont want to hurt anyone, I just want to have fun..
What did you say?
Umm.. I love you too?

I feel odd about relationships. I love, I have passion, im just not sure if ill stay around. Ive hurt. Hurt people hurt people.. The truth I came to find in this life. Im recovered, but will I trust again? The question.

I dont believe in wasting time. ON LAME ASS MOFOS.

Thanks, I think im finnished.

Skinny til the end.
Skinny you+skinny me= living in the sky

Watch "The Weeknd - The Party & The After Party" on YouTube

Watch "SBTRKT - Wildfire" on YouTube

Skinny you+Skinny me=<3

Thanks to the lovely princess perfection, ive set a goal to drop 5lbs by the 4th. And I feel truly good about it. Its better to have some short term goals so ill have reasons to stay hungry. (unintentional pun;) So ill have reasons to keep loosing weight, to not binge, to respect myself. My confidence is about to surpass all odds, all embarassing moments because ill be making the progress that many fail to attempt. JOIN ME!

IF YOU WANT TO LOOSE HOWEVER MUCH BY THE 4TH LET KNOW. IM GAME. WE CAN CHECK IN WITH EACHOTHER WHENEVER... Lol okay im done being a weirdo. Haaha im just very excited if you cant tell:)

But who do you want to be?
Skinny and accomplished vs. bloated and disgusted

-take your pick.
I cant wait to show you guys what ive got<3


I took some juicy body pictures of myself this morning. I figure ill take some every Tuesday to track my progress. Yeah I know ive got thighs, butt and belly for days. Well the belly is mainly flat just not skinny, ive been told my body is decieving. Id say its proportionate, which is probably why ive let things get so out of hand. Definately not bikini ready, ive actually never worn one but summer 2012 -that all changes.

Wont it be ever so splendid to have those hip bones say hello before Ive uttered a word?
Skinny skinny skinny skinny, I cant wait.
Hey, so it would be in your best interest to peep this video. Unbelievable flacas (skinny girls) on camera, plus the song isnt half baked:)
Watch "Metronomy - The Bay" on YouTube

Didnt you love it? Oh yesssir. Thank you ladies for your comments, I promise im down for your skinny future. Instead of succumbing to pressure remember this, "life is the ocassion, rise up". Inspire me as I long to do the same. Skinny isnt easy, but choosing to be your best never is. Mediocre is the norm, but who really wants to be average? Personally I strive to be set apart, which means im lonely but rather magnetic. I choose to associate with individuals not clones.

Now I do have to say breakfast went.horribly. I ate... Enough to know I wont be eating anything else today. I ran to the bathroom to relieve my sudden panic. Nothing but mucus would come up, fucking turkey. Lmao. Im not even that mad, just observant of my habits. I woke this morning feeling paranoid about food. Debating whether I should fast, or eat. The anxiety made start with coffee to kill my taste buds perhaps.. But I wondered back into the kitchen and shit went down. Probably 700 calories give or take. If I had spread this out I would have better off.

My observation and conclusion:
Well, 1. If im fasting it needs to be premediated. One day notice.
2. When I watch tv and eat alone I eat more. No more tv while eating because im not focused on those sneaky bitch calories.
3. Purging is not good and im not good at it. I need to stop my bullshit.

Today I will workout twice, omg if youve never heard of Jackie Warner I recommend you get her workout dvd and some 5lb weights. She works out every body part in sections, you will feel tender days after one workout. Muscle tone is vital to burning calories all day. Anyway ill be doing that then hit the gym. Take some cleansing pills so I relieve myself in a normal fashion at the end of the day:P

"she got a light skin friend, look like Michael Jackson... Got a dark skin friend, look like Michael Jackson." -kanye, slow jamz.

Ladies music is my life. Let us all strive to fix our mistakes. All we can do is strive to do better. The universe will reward you<3

Monday, December 26, 2011

La Familia

After I purged, in walks my mom. My eyes are blood shot, but I was washing the dishes. I dont want her to notice of course she doesnt. I ate some ice cream before she came home. Mom checks the freezer to let me know the lid isnt on ice cream right. To my delight, of course she noticed. Mom: Who ate ice cream.. Anavida: Oh I did. In walks B. 

B: Anavida, what did you eat today? Anavida: Oh umm, some steamed veggies, turkey.. Some ice cream.    B: Anavida thats where you fucked up. Did you workout today? Anavida;No, not yet. B: You need to tone up your thighs. Mom starts busting out lunges. Mom: I havent eaten all day. Thats great mom. Thats great. B: you know that dad wants you to be skinny. Anavida: yeah I know.

This literally happened. I have mixed feelings. I usually feel bad about myself, but ive decided to change my thinking. They want for me what I want for myself. I should be happy my family has such expectations. I should show them I can be strong and skinny. I need a tougher skin so ive been told. I believe it. My moms slight competition towards me is a blessing in disguise. I will win. I will be skinny. I will prove to them how discplined I truly am. The most important thing in mi familia is to look your best, be skinny because one person represents all of us.

Im rebelious. But in this Ive decided to give in. For once I will have their approval and perhaps their envy.. Bye guys going out to sweat it out <3

The pressure to be thin should be MOTIVATION. Society wasnt wrong for once.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Maybe if I was addicted..

Today I ate and ate well. Tooo well lol. I stopped though about 3-3:15 pm which is better than eating late. I know I said Id workout today, just havent yet. I still feel the food floating under my ribs and in my throat. I want to purge.. I havent done that in so long. I know its not wise. Its mental abuse manifested physically. But theres no denying seeing the food removed, wiping your mouth, washing up and walking away that you feel clean again. Upset with yourself for fucking up, but patting yourself on the back for fixing your intake mistake.

Im not in love with food. I used to cling to its coat tail in times of stress, happiness, sadness. I see it as a necessary evil. If I could I would never have to eat again. Its repulsive what ive let it do to my body. Calories are creeping within each bite, and the only way to be rid of the poision is to sweat, or force yourself to throw up. Isnt that extreme when you think about it? Food causing people to break out, get stretch marks, wear plus size, get cut up and get liposuction/gastric bypass. That shit crazy.

Addiction drives people to become passionately involved in their secret life. Always making time for it, its their best relationship. Maybe ill become passionately involved with my skinny life.. My food relationship started young, as a child I felt unheard and misunderstood. Only by immediate family that is, everyone else seemed to get me.

No worries, im not a child anymore.. I dont need to hide, I dont need anyone's validation. Yep, like I promised you all and myself, I will be working out. Probably will be up late, this food has me feeling disgustingly guilty, but determined to stop my self sabotage.

Anavida yoo

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Girl put in work.

"As I recall I know you like to show off, but who would have thought you would take it this far".. Flashing lights, kanye

Well Merry Almost Christmas to those on my side of the world, shout out to all the lovelies for getting through this recent Eve. Today was an emotional rollercoaster, my mom bitched me out starting at 7 am this morning talking some craziness that I dont help or support her. Total bs, but thats how she felt like orchestrating my bday.. So all morning I was distraught while she went to work. I started drinking with B, ohh try light cranberry (5 calories) and know this sounds wild but some green apple vodka with ice. Its a fesitive flavor:)

Basically we fought about nothing. B had to buffer the situation quite often, but I do love her. Despite the way she chooses to be. Its unforunate that life dealt her some cards she had no clue would play out so painfully. Its unforunate I let my confidence shrink with each increased lb. In the confusion of today there was obvious beauty. My family doesnt come together often, were seperated by seas and states so ill bear the beating just to spend sometime in their midst. Despite the fact I cried twice today, and yelled,  and ate a lil more than I intended    (umm lets see... 3 spoons of loaded mash potatoes:breakfast, then some collared greens, half a jack in box burger, half a large curly fry.. Mmm I think thats it) today was magical. I felt loved just because they were there.

I feel ill, I blame the food. Fuck foooood haha still got a smile on face. Skinny is so damn tangible. Blogging and reading and speaking with you ladies has made my dreams more than some wishful thoughts. Enjoy tomorrow no matter what happens. I DO recommend a workout. Tomorrow I will eat so cute. Promise:
Damn straight ill be in gym.


Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I win.

My belief: "once youve painted one you can paint millions more."
Today has been lovely other than the fact I ate steamed veggies and pasta sauce.. And a couple spoonfuls of potatoe salad.. And like 2 handfuls of almonds. Dammn. Lol the first day of the fast went perfect, had one ciggarette and kept it pushing. 2nd day... Well me and my mom got into huge arguement, I retaliated more than usual.  The fact that I was drinking previous to her coming home, possibly.. This was apart of the reason why I was all fired up & ready for the verbal war. I usually let her have the last word. Last night there was no way in hell. I feel if someone demands respect from you, its required that they avidly dish it. Yeah so I went in on her, I was tired of feeling jaded.Then we ended up going shopping. I found some amazing deals, 40% off plus an additional 25% off clearance! Girl, I was feeling good. Bet you cant Guess where I was shopping.?;P

To my delight I wear size 9 in jeans yayy.. Not double digits. Winter quarter starts soon. I went ahead and bought size 7, for incentive purposes of course. Music is the antidote to the anxiety I commonly feel. Mentally, I dramatize circumstances or specifically restricting food. Theres a slight crutch I find in calories. Its okay baby, ive made my decision.

"Fear of success. Beyond ancient 2011."